The ASOS Spy or Why I Shop Offline

Post by TM

Happy Chinese New Year! 2016 is the year of one of the peskiest, scariest and not-very-cute-unless-they-are-between-you-and-a-screen-preferably-computer-or-tv creatures: the monkey. So, in honour, I am going to instruct you how to fashion a dress out of one hundred and one macaques. 

Well, I was going to, until the ISPCA got wind of it so instead let’s just talk about how ASOS are following my every move.

We laugh about cookies on websites. The cute little term comes up: ‘Hey! We use cookies but don’t worry they’re delicious and wholesome and it’s for your own good really.’ But – they’re evil. You willingly let websites learn all about your habits and your personal preferences and they follow you around like lovesick stalkers until you cave into the digital version of Stockholm Syndrome and buy all the dresses. Or book the hotel. Or adopt a pigeon.

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ASOS is the Cookie King: it knows my style exactly and it knows I LOVE sales. It doesn’t know, however, that I’m giving up sales shopping for Lent so though it is tempting me as I type I am not giving in. Unless I spot a really excellent bargain.

To be honest, I am not a total ASOS addict. I browse (and browse…and browse) but I rarely buy. The reason being that I hate when the item I buy isn’t right. I have never sent anything back. If it doesn’t fit properly I feel disappointed and then I give it away.

There are SO many gems on ASOS, though. I bought this dress last year and was very happy (although it needed alterations and I only wore it once. And it cropped up in this year’s sale which REALLY annoyed me).


ASOS is becoming almost as synonymous with bridesmaid dresses as Monsoon or Coast and I will admit, I’ve looked at wedding dresses too.

I walked down a Dublin ‘high street’ the other day and wondered what it would look like in fifty year’s time. Will retail stores even exist? Perhaps the buildings that house Penneys and H&M and Zara will merely store the clothes, warehouse style, and people will have forgotten that you used to have days out shopping. Maybe shopping expeditions will be groups of women gathering in someone’s pad, drinking wine (that will definitely still be a thing…won’t it?) and perusing their computers.

For now, I’ll let ASOS distract me but I’ll continue my retail therapy the old fashioned way.


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