Post by CM

If you’ve ever heard about the Bechdel Test, you’re probably going to be a tad put out that I have chosen to talk about the hair of the only female actress in The Usual Suspects, the film on show at the Jameson Cult Film Club in The Black Box, Galway last Tuesday. 

It was a gloriously sunny evening, suitable for milling around the specially constructed sets setting the scene for the movie…

The Usual-ish Suspects

… there was whiskey, coke and ginger galore…

… and burgers!

… and I got one of those pass things that I shall hang from my bed post as a badge of pride, as the custom goes.

I wore flares! You can blame the constant That 70s Show repeats on 3e for that.

It was a lot of fun, the movie was as great as I’d remembered it, enhanced even by the occasional interuptions of some life theatre and projected images. But you’re here to read about fashion and style, and therefore I can’t let this opportunity to go by without discussing the abomination that was Suzy Amis’s barnet. As high flying lawyer Edie Finneran I’m sure the character was only trying to assert herself as a serious contender in a man’s world, unconcerned with glamour or vanity. But really.

Unbelievably, this pic doesn’t do it justice.

Now you may be wondering who this otherwise very attractive woman is, after your eyes can be successfully be drawn away from that awful mop on her head. Maybe this will jog your memory:

Hint: She’s married to director James Cameron.

It’s Rose’s granddaughter from Titanic! Her hair has stubbornly been a flowing golden mane for many years now, and who can blame her after the trauma of that 1995 disaster?

It amazed me to behold how much a simple hairstyle can affect even the most beautiful among us. I mean, if you’ve ever watched one of those make-over shows you’ll be aware of how much a simple cut and colour, and a face full of make-up can transform someone. Reversing the process for a movie role has the opposite effect.

Subject No. 2 is the undeniably gorgeous Scarlett “Don’t call me Scar-Jo” Johannson. She chopped off her locks for a role a few years ago and the results were mullet-ful.

It’s just so… choppy.

She still looks so pretty and cute, but compared with this:

I have a dress like that! That’s where the similarity ends.

There’s no contest which is the better look for her.

Perenial hair favourite Jennifer Aniston has also fallen victim to a dowdy cut for her latest role (do I smell an Oscar hunt?). Granted it’s not a great picture, but we mere mortals have to endure bad angles all the time so I’ll allow it.

Rachel’s worst nightmare of moving to the subburbs and becoming a soccer mom finally came true. 

If you saw her walking down the street you’d still likely think she was a super hot woman who happened to be caught in a rainstorm, causing her blow-dry to frizz unfortunately, but remembering her normally lovely shiny locks will reassure you that a team of experts working five hours on you from head to toe can get you looking bee-yoo-tiful again. Hurray!

Phew.

Now we cannot point the fingers solely at the good ladies of Hollywood – the menfolk have also fallen victim to many the bad looks in their time. Take our own Colin Farrell:

Caught a glimpse of your reflection there, Col?

I haven’t seen (or ever want to see) the movie that this still comes from, Horrible Bosses, but I gather that Colin is one of the employers in question and is supposed to look as creepy as possible. Note the comb over and over-compensating facial hair. Gents, if you’re going a bit thin on top the best option is just to get rid of it all. More often than not a shaven head in this context looks distinguished and confident.

Looks a hell of a lot better than this next entry into the Book of Bad Movie Hair:

I am digging Horsie’s fringe though, it’s rather fetching.

It’s only fair that I leave you with a decent pic of Colin, in the interest of equality.

It’s still a bouffant, but it’s a start.

I know it’s not big and it’s not clever to be horrified by hair (unless you have chaetophobia that is), but I think we can get away with it when it’s attached to otherwise pretty people for a film role. And isn’t it a rite of passage to go through a bad style or two? I know I for one have had a great deal too many bad self-inflicted fringes. How about you? Any perms, steps, sun-ins gone wrong? Did you have a Rachel?! Let us know in the comments below!

Please note that next week we’ll have our Bank Holiday Post on Wednesday, 7th May!