Post by T.M.
I walked in to Penneys today and got an instant headache from all the Christmas gaud* they have in there. Now I’m no Scrooge**, but I’m not one to celebrate the festive season in November. However, that’s not the point.
All I could see for miles and miles were Christmas jumpers. They are so hilarious, aren’t they? With all the bits and bobs on them and lights?
Penney’s have winter jumpers too, in red mostly, with white jolly patterns, but they’re the same thing as the over the top Mark Darcy sweaters really. They are all formerly ironic statements that are back to be worn in jest – but in a serious way. For don’t you even attempt to go to your 12 Pubs of Christmas party without wearing a novelty top or you’ll be shunned I tells ya, for not getting into the spirit of things.
And you know, I have to say, it is a bit kill-joyesque to turn up in disco clothes when you are partaking in such an event.
So for all of those who aren’t fans of the modern/fake old-fashioned Christmas jumper I’m here to tell you there are alternatives!
I have never jumped on the Christmas jumper bandwagon because
I’m too cheap I still have the originals. People used to wear these for realz remember? To keep warm and stuff.
This week I wore a 17 year old jumper to work. Yep, seventeen. It wasn’t a Christmas jumper per se, but I wore it when I was a young’un and it can definitely be classed as something that would have been worn, perhaps by an elf, in a Christmas time of yore and that’s what Christmas jumpers are supposed to be like, right?
My version is plain blue and wooly.
Now I know that not all of you are hoarders like me but get thee to a charity/vintage shop and pick an original up there. Add some tinsil and a bauble if you like and Bob’s your uncle. You are in the spirit in a clever way. Ha ha ha! We’re great.
I picked up a light sweater in Penneys last year when believe it or not the shop wasn’t so intent in pushing novelty clothing down our throats. It’s basically made of gold tinsil and could be mistaken for something your slutty aunt Doreen might have worn in 1989 but that’s the point, I think. Perfect for Christmas fun in the pub without having to attach fairy lights to yourself.
She always gets like this when she’s drunk.
This year I am going to a wear nice white jumper that has silver tinsilish thread going through it (I put tinsil around my picture frames at Christmas and on my tree too, I don’t just wear it I promise). I picked it up in the January sales and have been wearing it all year but I think when it will fit in just fine in the right situation and date, i.e. amongst the hoards of revellers in December.
Sister doing it for herself wearing badass Chrimbo jumper.
It’s all about how you interpret it. There is no need to wear what everyone else is wearing. Be unique this year and don’t wear a Christmas jumper from Penneys and definitely don’t wear one from one of those special shops where they cost €50. Or…feck it – wear whatever you like for the festive season! Tis’ the time to be jolly and if that means donning a jumper with a reindeer prancing across it then so be it.
It’s better to start planning now though, because everything is going to sell out. Runnn!
*Yes that’s a word. In my mind at least.
** Maybe I am a bit of a Scrooge.