Top of the Crops

Post by T.M.

It’s not a case of loving her or hating her. While many people over the age of 21 may recognise Miley Cyrus, most have not heard her songs or seen her shows or movies. However, despite her massively popular kids show ‘Hannah Montana’ being off the air for a good few years now Miss Cyrus is as frequently papped as ever. Some may think it’s because of her relationship with on-off fiancé and former co-star Liam Hemsworth. I think it’s because of her unconditional attachment to crop tops.

Sure, you might argue that if you or I had the bod for it we would wear crop tops constantly too. Miley has amassed an astonishing array of crop top outfits and in them she is a sculpted sight to behold. My favourite has to be the pencil skirt and crop top twin set featuring a fetching dollar bill print – it more or less says it all.

I couldn’t bear to print the dollar ensemble so here is another fetching example

Wouldn’t wearing such ensembles be exhausting though? No matter how toned you are a, fair bit of sucking in would have to be involved.

Crop tops are for the blessed, brave or brazen. Gwen Stefani wears her’s  like a badge of honour and why shouldn’t she – she’s in her 40s, has had two kids and looks bloody amazing. The Little Mixes were probably coerced by their management but they still try with aplomb. Some of the young ladies around my neck of the woods in Dublin just wear them because it’s hot (and probably because they think they look hot.)

These niche upper level clothing items are certainly not for the faint-hearted. It is recommended that you follow the golden rule if you want to wear one – be young and fit. This rule is however, obviously impossible to follow. If people obeyed it only 0.0001% of the population would actually be able to buy one.

Despite crop tops having been designed for the flat of stomach, those who wear them who, ahem, don’ fit into that category should only be applauded. It takes guts of steel to expose that much flesh. I considered it once. It was after a particularly gruelling walk home because I had forgotten my Luas card and spied an inspector so couldn’t chance jumping on without it. It was January and I was coming down with the flu so I had skipped lunch that day and honestly, I hadn’t felt that light in years! My friend’s 80s themed birthday party was on that night and part of my outfit was a Madonna-esque bralet.

This fine collection is from Top Shop (sure where else would they be from?!)
courtesy of

It was never going to work. I knew I would have a couple of glasses of wine and I knew there would be cake and even though I was sick I would never be sick enough to refuse a slice of the good stuff. Bloating would doubtlessly ensue and call me paranoid, but I’m fairly sure that a swollen belly would generate questionable remarks amongst the late 20 something party goers.

I wore a Frankie Says Relax t-shirt instead.

I was just as pleased with myself


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