Block Party

Post by C.M.

Fashion editors are heralding the arrival of block heels; maybe with the hindsight of countless Fashion Weeks spent trudging to and from the Shows, they welcome the arrival of a sensible shoe and are telling us all that the shoes look good for their own benefit. Let us examine to recent history of footwear:

Stilettos have had the distinction of adding length and shape to one’s legs – Marilyn Monroe is said to have shaven down one heel to perfect her signature sultry wobble, and they accentuate many drag queen’s assets beautifully.

Kitten heels had a moment not long ago, evoking a return to Dior’s 1950s New Look of elegance and refinery, but then everyone realised they made most mere mortals’ calves look like tree trunks balancing on a toothpick.

Ballet flats are terribly handy, but how flipping soggy and misshapen do they get after a while splashing through puddles?

Those awful platform shoes initially modelled by the likes of Victoria Beckham and now beloved of stumbly Aintree Races attendees can now be found relinquishing in most bargain bins.

Obviously the less said about Uggs the better.

In conclusion, I personally think we should all resort to clogs. Sexy, sexy, functional Clarkes clogs.

Oh yeeeeeaaaah!

But back to the recent phenomena of block heels. I can’t help but imagine stomping around in them, kind of dragging them behind me not knowing what to do with the added weight. Dancing would be a bit of a struggle, and I love a bit of a boogie.

I suggest trying before you buy, doing something I did as an envious but enterprising child. You will of course remember the Magic Key Shoes (or Magic Step, as no one called them). Everyone wanted a pair of shoes from the magic kingdom; the ad alone spun all of we impressionable Communion age girls a spell of unimaginable romance…


TM was clever enough to snap up a pair in the shoe shop (where I bought my grey boots 100 years later!) before my eyes even settled on them, and in the spirit of individuality I was required to pick another, less magical, pair. Hers had a clicky little heel, the sound of dreams, while mine had a smooth soft-soled silence. I harumphed my way home crossly and sat in a heap while TM pranced around like a smug little princess in her enchanted slippers.

Luckily we have a little brother who inherited our lego set and was busy building a tower when my eagle eyes set upon a curious little idea. Acquiring a few elastic bands and a couple of lego blocks I set about building a heel of my own. It was a rudimentary but ingenious idea, but the elastics just weren’t the ideal tools for attachment. My long-suffering father finally took note of my enterprising yet imperfect design and shortly after produced some glue, worn out shoes and legos, and created a lovely pair of (lego) block heels for my little, bratty self. They were amazing! Only lasted an evening, but that was enough.

This are lego blocks I want to stand on!

So in a nostalgic haze I think I will try the block. Not only will they remind me of my first foray into high fashion, but also of those weird new Chanel bags.

If they’re anything like my joyous originals they’ll be comfortable, stylish and ideal for a dance.

Maybe not these particular ones though

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